remain

the mornings are colder. and the trees wait for the edges of their crowns to yet again spread in death, and to give way for this death to once more have its due grasp on our world. and yet this very season, this in-between we must live through every year, this expectation of the coldness and the bitterness that nature holds in store for us has always been, for me, the most inspiring of all. no other spell pulls me from my tread to lay me down and let the time pass over me as wistfully as it pleases. in our world of do and have, the change calls me to be. i've learned through each year, as autumn re-enters my life, to anticipate. but such anticipation happens with waiting. i wait for something. i don't know what it is. 

but more than anything, autumn brings up things i've forgotten. summer is the lull for me, but my daydreams and plans keep me as busy as anything, and in the past, my autumn came with new learning and knowledge. a new year of getting back to work. getting back to routine. getting back to what i know. getting back to the familiar. i remember the things i miss that i once had. i am reminded of the things i miss that i never had. but this year, they never left. this is my first autumn as a graduate, and i don't feel as accomplished as i hoped i would. i fear the world takes off without me sometimes. and then autumn sweetly tells me there is always a change ahead. autumn sweetly tells me that if the world should take off, then let it take off. 

the world will always come back around. 

one thing i mourn the west for lacking is the understanding of cycles. in our linear perspectives, we know birth, life, death, the end. but in another  mindset, time is cyclical. a chance gone is not a chance lost.