Sunday, October 24, 2010

Simile is not for poets because poets see things as they is,

not as they like. - Shirlette Ammons

Sometimes I wonder what would have become of me if I didn't sell my keyboard. How I miss the way the keys would do what I told them to. Now I have the feel of a different kind of keyboard under my fingers, and I'm very happy with that, but I still wonder. What if I kept that keyboard and actually practiced the music I learned how to read so well? What if I kept that keyboard and let it teach my voice how to match it? In the back of my mind, I still have dreams of playing. Singing. Now I keep thinking it's too late.

I have other dreams. I write and I travel to coffee shops and bars and living rooms and libraries and I read what I write.

I've never been upset at my circumstances. I've never blamed anyone else for the way I am or the way I went. If I wished things were different, I would only be angry at myself. No one forced me into a decision, only I had the power to change something or continue in it. And if I was forced, only I could allow such a force upon me. My circumstances were only doing their jobs. So I guess what I mean is - if I want to play piano, there's a way for me to play the piano. And if I'm not playing the piano, I should stop making excuses for myself.

I love how one can always tell who the writers are. It's like going to an outdoor concert, and the bands that aren't currently performing walk among the crowd, and you can always tell which ones are with the band. It's more than just their skinny jeans, their brother's Vans from high school, their flannel shirt and Gene Kelly's hat. Or the art students. It's more than just the mismatched hand-me-downs, the missing fingernails, or the purple hair. The writers. It's more than just the haircut from 1995, the beret, the pantsuit, and the Converse. For some reason, you recognize them. They do what they do and it's never near enough to pay the bills, but they love it too much so they still do it in addition to one or two other jobs which means that they don't have time to check up on People's latest "Style" issue.

So..... I guess..... love what you do. Whatever it is. And though people won't know your name, they'll know who you are.

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